Trust….if you have been around on this spinning blue sphere long enough, you most likely struggle with this word. I have and I do.
There was a time in my life that my heart was ruled by fear and worry. It took its throne every morning in my heart and mind and ordered me around. I was its most loyal subject.
I wanted to be in charge…in charge of the things I could never control. I can’t control life or death, the choices someone else makes, if someone approves of me or not, but my heart tried. I always over worried about how things would turn out. The truth is the only thing I have control of is me and the way I respond (a lot of the times I’m not so sure of that either).
I’ve struggled with fear most of my life. It started when I was around 14 when a family member passed away. I just remember that it happened so quickly. She was here one day and gone the next.
In my heart a seed was planted and not the kind that grows a harvest you want. It was an ugly seed. The kind that puts your thoughts on a treadmill that it can’t get off. One that steals your peace, joy and your sleep. An unwanted visitor that never leaves. Nights were especially hard, I remember praying myself to sleep most nights.
Why do things always seem worse at night?
The fear was so overwhelming at times, I would literally drag my blankets and a pillow to my parents room in the middle of the night and make a pallet on the floor beside their bed.
“Fear is a feeling, but for me it grew arms, legs and hands and was very real.”
Over the years I found relief for short seasons. I learned how to “manage” the fear. I would keep my mind busy with all sorts of things. I avoided movies and shows that someone was sick and died. I never really won this battle.
“When fear came calling I was usually home and would open the door and welcome him in.”
My struggle with fear tainted everything….it robbed me, and I let it.
Your probably thinking about now, “I thought this was about trust?”, it is! One normal morning, I was praying and trying to “manage” my fear when God pierced through my thoughts and asked me a simple question that now lives forever in my heart. “Do you trust me?”
It was so simple, yet so hard to answer. I remember saying out loud, “God I trust you”. Then, he asked me the hardest part. “Do you trust me…no matter what?” Really! No matter what?
Do you trust me with your health, with your marriage, your finances, your children, your future, and the list goes on. Do you trust me no matter what. Even if it doesn’t work out or end they way you want it. All these questions flooded my heart. I cried. I cried because I realized the one I gave my heart to as a small child was the one I can trust the most. I cried because the weight I carried for so long began to lift. I realized I had not been trusting him. This is something my mind knew but had yet wrapped around my heart.
When fear would start to ascend to its throne in my heart and mind, I would say, “God I trust you. I trust you no matter what”.
You want to know what power is? Say this from a point of surrender and see what happens.
A strength began to rise in my heart. A strength that only comes from knowing God is there, he’s in charge and always has been. He is the only one who holds the power to change my circumstances.
Fear and worry are cruel masters who’s goal is to rob you of your peace and feel your mind with cloudy days. They are worthless. In fact, they make you deaf and blind. Deaf to the voice of God and blind to seeing his hand at work in the difficult areas of your life.
They are weeds not seeds!
I’m reminded of three God trusting men in the book of Daniel (Daniel 3), Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego. They put their trust in God. King Nebuchadnezzar was ragging mad because they would not worship an image he had made. This is the conversation that followed (Daniel 3:16)…….
“Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
Wow! I want to trust like this! These guys knew the power God held to save them but also surrendered their desires, knowing God is fully in control and trusted him no matter what. Even if it cost them their lives.
Now, this is trust on a whole new level!
Fear, anger and worry are unable to produce anything good in your life. They have no power to change the outcome of your situation. Only God can! Why wouldn’t you trust him……even if it doesn’t make sense.
Every time a situation arises, God reminds my heart that he is faithful and has it all worked out. Choose trust and gain peace. You can trust him. There’s no one you can trust more! He will be the keeper of your heart if you let him.